


in the bleak mid-winter

by ndnickerson



Series: Rain on a Tin Roof [4]
Category: Nancy Drew - Keene
Genre: Christmasfic, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-19
Updated: 2009-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 15:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nancy's first Christmas after she makes her decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the bleak mid-winter

**Author's Note:**

> Falls a month after Cannonball.

"So when are you coming home?"

Sam stood expectantly at her mother's knee, as Nancy pulled the Barbie out of the box, only to find that she was still attached to the cardboard backing with half a dozen plastic twist ties. When Frank had arrived, Carson had shown him to the living room, where they could have some privacy. With Sam and her big blue eyes at her knee, nearly dancing with anticipation, and Frank at her side, Nancy could feel the headache starting behind her eyes.

"Frank..."

"Barbie!" Sam clapped. She was still in the red velvet dress Nancy had dressed her in, for the church service that morning, her fine silky hair under a headband she had been fidgeting with all day. Fenton and Laura had sent their presents early on, and Samantha had torn through them all that morning. At the sight of the shining red present in her father's hands when they had greeted him at the door, Sam's eyes had gone big all over again.

"Just a second," Nancy smiled down at Sam. As she twisted the Barbie's left leg free, the doll tumbled to the carpet, where Sam scooped her up. The Barbie left a red high heel behind when Sam left to show Carson, and Nancy chuckled as she reached down for it.

"Nancy."

Nancy glanced over at the man who was still her husband, but had to look away at the expression in his eyes. "We've talked about this," she murmured, folding her legs under her.

Frank made a soft noise. "I haven't been home for more than three days at a time since you've been gone," he said. "I can't... that house. It's our house. You're supposed to be there. You need to be there. Nancy, I am going to make it up to you, all of it up to you, I swear to you..."

Nancy held the shoe loosely in her fist. "And that's why you haven't made it here in the month since I left."

Frank tilted his head. "You said you needed time," he said defensively.

"And I've had time," Nancy said. "But Sam is still our daughter, and you need to make an effort to be in her life. Remember?"

Frank's mouth became a thin line. "Nancy, it has been really, really busy..."

Nancy threw her hands up. "It always is," she said. "It is. It will be."

He sighed. "If you want me in her life, why don't you come back," he whispered. "Nancy, please. It's so easy. I'll be there."

"But you haven't been," she said. "You haven't been here to see her."

"Because I thought you didn't want me here."

"You don't listen to anything I say, do you," Nancy sighed. "Frank, you and I..."

"If you want..." He shook his head. "If you want me here, I'll be here every weekend, if you want me to come see you and Sam..."

Nancy pulled her knees up and propped her chin on them. "No you won't," she said calmly. "You won't."

"How can you say that?"

"Because you weren't there for me when it mattered," she said carefully, keeping her voice level. "But you can still be there for Sam."

Frank was quiet for a minute. "So you aren't coming home."

She shook her head. "I'm not," she told him. "Not today, not next month."

"God," he whispered. "Nancy..."

She turned and looked at him, fully looked at him, and when their eyes met she felt the dread pool deep in the pit of her belly. "You're not... you're not saying that the only way you're going to see Sam again, is if I come back. You're not saying that."

"It would make it easier," he said, and to his credit the words seemed difficult, hard in his throat. He looked down. "If you could come with me, and things could be like they used to be..."

"I don't want things to be like they used to be," she forced out. "I never wanted things to be the way they were."

"You never wanted to be with me."

Nancy raked her hand through her hair. "I didn't say that. But you, and this... are never going to change. I just need to know, if you are going to make any effort, at all, to maintain your relationship with our daughter."

"You said we never even had one."

"See!" Nancy stood up, her face flushing. "This is what you do. It's all about me, and all the things I've said, and it's never about you. Because you're too busy saving the world to see what your responsibility, what your _duty_, is. It really, really doesn't matter to me what happens between us, and you can hate me for saying this, all you want. But if you're going to make this about us instead of about her—"

"You can't—you mean you want me in her life, even though I'm not good enough to be married to you anymore? How does that work?"

"That's how it works when people are divorced," she said.

"But I thought... I thought that you were here, with your father, that you would just... it's not like you're finding your own place..."

"Frank... I have a job here. Sam is going to school here. I'm moving into an apartment with Sam, the first of the year."

Frank's face paled slightly. "You can't..."

"I have a network here," she said, as the door to the living room closed silently, and Nancy glanced at it before turning her gaze back to Frank. "I have people I can depend on here. My father, Hannah, Bess and George. When I'm with you..."

"When you're with me, you have me," Frank protested. "Do you think that Bess and George think you're any less their friend, when you go anywhere on a case? You have a job here, and you're going to raise her on your own?"

"I already have been!" Nancy put her hand to her forehead and took a long deep breath before she could continue. "Are you going to make this worse, and harder for Sam, or are you going to make it better?"

"How can you ask me that?" Frank stood to face her. "When you were the one who left me. When you're the one who made all this happen. How the hell can you ask me to make it easier, when you're the reason I'm here..."

Nancy looked up at him. "I guess I have my answer, then," she said sadly.

"And I guess I have mine," Frank returned. "Nan..." He reached for her hand, their fingers brushing, his cold against hers. "Please. Please, just come back. We're the same, you and I, we always have been, this is why it worked..."

She shook her head. "This is why it didn't work," she said, and when she pulled away, their hands slipped apart. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I never meant to hurt you. I know you never meant to hurt me."

"But it's okay, for you to do this to Sam?"

Nancy looked down at the tiny red shoe resting in her palm. "Yeah," she said softly. "It's okay for me to do this to her. It's okay for me to make sure that she sees me as a happy, sane person again. If it's going to be this way for us, then fine. If I want her to see you..." she snickered. "Then I guess I'll make sure it fits your schedule, first."

The pain in Frank's eyes was almost enough to make her look away. "So that's it, then," he murmured. "I bought a tree, for us. It's there, at the house."

Nancy laid her hand on his arm. "I'm glad you did come," she told him softly. "For Sam."

He leaned in toward her, but when his face bent close to hers she turned her head, and felt his breath against her cheek, his fingers trailing down her arm. "Come home with me," he whispered again.

She shook her head, letting her hand drop. "I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes. "You know I still love you."

She nodded. "Love Sam," she whispered. "Love Sam for me."

Thirty minutes after Frank left, Nancy was sitting on the couch with her father, the Barbie doll abandoned next to her. Carson had given Sam a chattering doll half her size, and Sam was busy introducing her to the rest of her collection. Nancy pulled the twin to the red shoe off and held it in her hand for a moment, before turning to her father.

"Dad..."

Carson muted the television and turned to his daughter. "You okay? You haven't said much, since..."

Nancy shrugged. "I'll be back in a minute," she said. "I'm just going to the store. If you could watch Sam..."

"Sure."

The gas station closest to their house had a pay phone in the parking lot. Nancy dialed the number by heart and stood listening to the distant tinny ring, tucking the scarf more tightly against her in the wind.

"Hello?"

"Hey. Call me back."

On the first ring she picked up the receiver again, sighing. "Hey."

"Merry Christmas," Ned said. "I'm in Mapleton, with my parents..."

"I'm in River Heights," she said, laughing slightly. She huddled into her coat. "I just... wanted to hear your voice."

"I'll be back at my apartment tonight," he said. "If."

Nancy closed her eyes, leaning against the plastic edge of the booth. "Yeah," she murmured. "Um... I don't want you to come back early or anything..."

"It's fine," Ned assured her. "Sometime after six okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed in relief. "If anything comes up..."

"I'll let you know." He lowered his voice. "Love you."

"Love you too," she whispered.

She packed an overnight bag, one for herself and one for Sam, hugged her father goodbye and braved the icy roads into Chicago. She parked at her office and by the third taxi ride, the baby seat seemed to have doubled in weight and Sam was starting to get tired.

"We're almost there, baby."

Sam leaned against the wall of the elevator, rubbing her eye. "Daddy went away?"

Nancy nodded. "He went back to see your Grandpa and Grandma Hardy," she explained. "But he brought you the pretty doll."

The elevator chimed and she led Sam onto Ned's floor. "Sleepy," Sam complained.

"I know, it's late," Nancy replied. "You can lay down in just a minute, okay?"

Sam nodded. "Okay," she agreed, as Nancy knocked at Ned's door.

He answered almost immediately. "Hey," he said, and as Nancy shuffled in with her bags and the baby seat, Sam stretched her arms up and Ned reached down for her, helping her wrestle out of her coat. "Hey Sam," he said, and she grinned at him.

"Sleepy time?"

"If you want it to be," Ned replied. "Hey, I have a surprise for you. Have you had a nice Christmas?"

Sam nodded, then buried her face against Ned's shoulder, and he grinned. "Nan, you okay?"

Nancy looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. "I will be," she said. "I brought some things..."

"Yeah," he agreed, looking at the bags she had shouldered onto the couch. "You guys moving in?"

She shook her head, coloring. "I didn't mean to take you away from your family."

"You didn't," he assured her. "I'm just... gonna show Sam something, I'll be back in a second."

Left alone, Nancy slumped down onto the couch for a moment, finally relaxing. She had taken her father's advice to heart, and every time she called Ned or came to see him, she took as many precautions as she possibly could, just in case. Now that she was here... she looked at the tree in the corner of his living room, the few scattered presents underneath, the cards on the mantel. Frank may have bought a tree, but here, in the soft glow from the white lights, in the warmth of his apartment, in Ned's presence, this felt like home in a way Frank's house never had.

Nancy slipped her shoes off, even though her toes still felt a little numb from the biting cold, and followed Ned and her daughter. When she found them, she lingered in the doorway, sudden tears pricking at her eyes.

"Mommy!"

She smiled at Sam. "Wow," she agreed, at Sam's grin. "That's really neat, huh."

Ned was sitting on the floor. In this room, a spare bedroom that had been full of everything that didn't fit anywhere else, Ned had spread a bright rug, and on the rug was the toddler bed Sam was gazing at with such shining eyes. The dusty boxes of records, exercise equipment, tennis rackets and spare shoes, were all up and out of Sam's reach, and the bed was spread with a bright Disney-princess comforter.

"I just thought..." Ned looked between Sam and Nancy. "You know, if Sam was ever over here, and sleepy..."

"Sam is known to like a nap," Nancy confirmed, crossing her arms. "What do you think, Sam?"

Sam grinned. "Can I sleep here tonight, Mommy?"

"And not with me?" Nancy mock-pouted, while Ned shot her a loaded glance. "Well, I guess if you really like this bed..."

Sam nodded vigorously. "Please..."

"I guess," Nancy replied, and Sam came over to hug Nancy's leg. Nancy ran her hand over Sam's fine hair. "Did you tell Ned thank you?"

"Thank you," Sam murmured, then grinned shyly, burying her face against Nancy's jeans again.

"Thank you," Nancy confirmed, reaching up to wipe under her eye.

"Well, if that's all Sam wants..."

Sam gasped in delighted surprise. "More?"

Nancy shook her head, chuckling. "She's really making me look bad," Nancy said, as Ned got to his feet and reached for Sam's hand. "Really. And you know you didn't have to do this," she said under her breath, as she came with Ned back into the living room.

He nodded easily. "I know," he replied. "I wanted to. You see those presents under the tree, Sam? All but that little one in the blue paper, are yours."

Sam ripped into the first present while Ned swiped the small blue one, and came over to sit next to Nancy on the couch. "You okay, Nan?"

Nancy nodded. "Frank came over today," she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, as Sam squealed, then brought her mother Ned's first gift. Nancy put it next to her on the couch, and Sam headed back to the tree, to attack the next one. "He wanted me to come back to him."

Ned looked down, fidgeting with the present in his lap.

Nancy reached over, resting her hand on his arm. "He knows I'm not going back to him," she said softly. "I'm with you. I'm here with you."

"You told him about me?"

Nancy shook her head. "He's..." She ran her hand over her face. "No."

Sam brought her the other present, pouting. "Untie," she demanded.

Nancy set to work on the plastic ties, accepting Ned's pocketknife when he handed it to her. "Nice," she said, looking at the stuffed animal, Sam's fingers opening and closing as she silently asked to hold it again. "Yellow dog."

Sam clutched it close to her chest when Nancy handed it back to her. "Thank you," Sam told Ned solemnly, without prompting. "Can I sleep with him tonight?"

"Sure you can, baby," Nancy replied. "You ready for your jammies?"

Ten minutes later Ned appeared in the doorway of the spare bedroom, leaning against the frame. Sam was snug in her footie pajamas, the yellow dog snuggled against her, and Nancy was singing softly. Nancy tilted her head when she sensed Ned's presence, but didn't otherwise acknowledge it. When Sam was just beginning to slowly close her eyes, Nancy leaned down and kissed her forehead softly, then looked back to see Ned.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

Back in his living room, in the soft dim light from the tree and television alone, Nancy traced her fingers down Ned's cheek. "You know it's not that I don't want him to know, that I'm ashamed of you," she whispered. "But right now..."

Ned nodded. "I know," he murmured. "I know it would only make things harder..." He ran his fingers over her hair, tucking a lock of it behind her ear, and she nuzzled her cheek against his palm.

"I almost don't care," she whispered. "But we have to be careful..." She closed her eyes, her lip trembling.

"Did he say something?"

Nancy cupped her hand over Ned's. "He makes it sound like... like if I don't go back to him, he won't... he won't make any effort to see Sam. He says if I go back, it'll all be different. He swears."

"But it won't," Ned whispered, and Nancy nodded.

"I know," she said softly. "I told him so. I'm not going back." She looked down. "I just wish there was some other way, some way to make him see that he's not getting back at me, he's just hurting Sam."

Ned leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. "He'll come around," Ned murmured. "When he sees that this isn't going to work..."

Nancy smiled. "I hope so," she whispered.

"Hey," Ned said, tilting her chin up to meet her eyes. "It's okay. Here."

He pressed the blue-wrapped present into Nancy's hands, and she looked down at it, smiling.

"Merry Christmas."

Nancy took a long breath, holding her hands still. "It's been a long time," she said softly.

"I know."

She worked her thumb under the wrapping, then tore it off to reveal a white jewelry box. "Ned, you know you didn't..."

"Have to do this," he finished. "Just take it for granted that I know that, okay?" He nudged her arm. "Open it."

Nestled on the black velvet bed Nancy found a pair of gleaming diamond earrings, delicate and perfect. "My God," she breathed, then glanced up at him.

He was smiling. "Do you like them?"

"Of course," she replied, setting them carefully on the low coffee table before throwing her arms around his neck. "They're beautiful."

Ned laughed against her shoulder, sliding his arms around her in return. "Sam asleep?"

Nancy nodded, then pulled back to see his face. "Why, you have something in mind?"

"Maybe you could model them for me," he replied, his eyes sparkling. "Without all those pesky distracting clothes."

"You're smooth, you know that?" she replied with a smile, giggling when Ned traced his lips down the line of her jaw, ending at her earlobe.

"I try," he murmured against her ear, and she shivered as he swept her up into his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist as he got to his feet. "God, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she whispered, tilting her head to kiss him softly. "I've missed this so much."

"Making out?" He stood motionless in the middle of the floor, holding her tight to him, his eyes fluttering closed as his mouth found hers again.

She shook her head, gasping for breath after, against his cheek. "Home," she whispered. 

"You feel like home."


End file.
